I grew up in the charismatic Christian tradition, which basically means I saw a lot of crazy stuff. I still remember my parents talking about the “Toronto Blessing” in 1994, and while I was very young, it altered my life. My family switched from a Baptist church to a charismatic church and then the real fun began.
What does it mean to be a charismatic?
On one hand I have no idea. On the other hand, and in my definition, it means to focus on God’s Spirit – particularly the “baptism of the Spirit” – which resulted in something we called “speaking in tongues.” We were the right, correct, and highly blessed ones who really got it (sound familiar?). On top of that we often prophesied over each other (by prophesy I don’t mean what I now think it means, I mean speaking insight about the persons personal life or future events), laid hands on each others (something I still think is powerful, but for different reasons), and sometimes were “slain in the spirit” or “drunk in the spirit.” Yes, it is all just as weird (or weirder) than it sounds.
I still remember a time I went to a “revival” meeting in the heart of the Bible belt – Oklahoma City – and seeing many fall to the ground as the speaker “blew” or “breathed out” (drawing from Scripture – though in a very odd way) God’s Spirit on people. I also recall the speaker sharing how his wife was “drunk in the spirit” more often then not, which caused me to wonder why God would cause such a peculiar thing to happen. For some reason it was not ok to get drunk on alcohol, but it was ok to be drunk off God, even though both people acted the same way? Bizarre.
Needless to say I left that tradition, and quite honestly I don’t speak of it often because it’s truly a phenomenon. So I have been a closet post-charismatic for some time.
Someone recently asked me how I have handled my former charismatic teachings and experiences, which has caused me to reflect on ways it has influenced me and informed how I live today. I’m sure I don’t know many of the ways this tradition has influenced me, but I’m certain it has.
I have always been drawn to “experiencing” God – what I would have formerly called “intimacy with God” – and still feel fairly comfortable with that language, though I don’t think I would use it myself. As I reflect upon my upbringing, knowing that I am deeply formed by my tradition, I realize that there has always been this drive to “know” God. By “know” I mean somehow experience God, God’s presence, God’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Perhaps this is also part of my personality, in that I am a “feeler” and deeply intuitive, though I don’t always have the language to articulate the “what” or “how” of my feelings. I also have a deep longing for depth, holistic living and seeing, and understanding the interconnection of all things.
I have been drawn to the Mystical tradition, finding people like Thomas Merton, Rumi, Richard Rohr, and others fascinating. I see that many of the great mystics were bound by their consciousness, their culture, their worldviews, and their language, yet I find something deep and peaceful in their writings. It speaks to me on a deeper, almost soulish, level.
I recently listened to a podcast by the liturgist here, where they interviewed one of my favorites, Richard Rohr. Rohr reflects on ways the charismatics may have gotton it right, and ways they may have missed it, but it was insightful for me to hear.
I don’t use the word post-charismatic, though I have undoubtedly been deeply influenced, for good or ill, by this tradition. What I am most thankful for is that this has caused a longing within me to experience the divine in my life, but this tradition would have never have known all the ways I might have experience the divine that would not fit neatly into their theological boxes, labels, or categories.
In a way, it taught me how to see; then when I began to see things in different ways, it had no idea what to do.
So, my charismatic upbringing has prepared me to launch into the deep, to experience God in unexpected places, and to see things in new and deep ways. While I may not be a charismatic, and I may not have a worldview that aligns with theirs, I have realized that it is a part of who I am and while it is something I may have moved through, it is also something I have included. For that, I am grateful.